“Selfie” is not just word of the year, but also the mainstay of postings on social media sites such as Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat. With the prevalence of camera-equipped smartphones, the posting of selfies has reached epidemic levels.

A new study by Florida State University academics Jessica Ridgway and Russell Clayton found that people who were more satisfied with their body image posted more selfies to Instagram – confidently showing off, you might say. But in turn, they reported experiencing more conflict with their romantic partner – such as jealous arguments about attention others had paid their photos online – and poorer relationship quality. So does this mean that Instagram selfies are bad for relationships?

The study’s authors speculate that when one partner frequently posts attractive selfies, the other partner may feel jealous or threatened. This may lead to excessive monitoring of the other’s Instagram feed, which means they see even more of the attention the photos receive from followers, potentially winding them up still further. This could potentially lead to greater conflict, cheating, or a break-up.

Another way to account for the potentially relationship-damaging effects of posting selfies is that they may simply alienate other people. There is a tendency for people to report less intimacy and emotional support in their relationships with people who are selfie-posting addicts. One reason why people may withdraw from these relationships is because they perceive the excessive selfie-posting as indicative of a narcissistic streak.

EDITOR'S NOTE: So it’s not yet possible to conclusively establish whether posting selfies in itself damages relationships or whether selfie-posting and problems in relationships are symptomatic of an underlying trait such as narcissism. Further research may prove the link, but until then, you might want to consider not just the message your obsessive posting of selfies give to others, but also the potential damage it could cause to your love life.




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LinkedIn Influencer Dr. Travis Bradberry: Don't follow the leader. Be the Leader

Leadership is the art of persuasion—the act of motivating people to do more than they ever thought possible in pursuit of a greater good.

It has nothing to do with your title.

It has nothing to do with authority or seniority.

You're not a leader just because you have people reporting to you. And you don't suddenly become a leader once you reach a certain pay grade.

A true leader influences others to be their best. Leadership is about social influence, not positional power.

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. —John Quincy Adams

You don't even need to have people reporting to you to be a leader. A janitor can influence people and lead just as a CEO can.

Likewise, anyone can become a follower, even while holding a leadership position.

If you're a slave to the status quo, lack vision, or don't motivate everyone around you to be their absolute best, then you're a follower. Even if you happen to have a leadership title, people won't follow you when they see those behaviors present.

A senior executive who creates unnecessary bureaucracy, locks himself in his office, and fails to interact with others in any meaningful way is no more a leader than an antisocial software engineer who refuses to do anything but write code.

Of course, the real question is—are you a leader or a follower?

To find out, you need to ask yourself some very important questions. Think carefully as you respond to each one, and you'll soon know for certain.

1. Do you go above and beyond? 

Followers do their jobs, and that's it. No matter how good they may be at those jobs, it rarely occurs to them to go beyond their basic functions. Leaders, on the other hand, see their job descriptions as the bare minimum—the foundation upon which they build greatness. Leaders see their real role as adding value, and they add it whenever and wherever they see an opportunity.

2. Are you confident? 

Followers see the talents and accomplishments of other people as a threat. Leaders see those same talents and accomplishments as an asset. Leaders want to make things better, and they'll take help anywhere they can find it. Leaders are true team players. They aren't afraid to admit that they need other people to be strong where they're weak.

3. Are you optimistic? 

Followers see the limitations inherent in any given situation; leaders see the possibilities. When things go wrong, leaders don't dwell on how bad things are. They're too busy trying to make things better.

4. Are you open to change? 

Followers are content to stick with the safety of the status quo. They see change as frightening and troublesome. Leaders are maximizers who see opportunity in change. Because leaders want constant improvement, they're never afraid to ask, "What's next?"

5. Are you decisive? 

Followers often hesitate to act, out of fear that they'll do the wrong thing. Leaders aren't afraid to make a call, even when they're not sure if it's the right one. They'd rather make a decision and be wrong than suffer from the paralysis of indecision.

6. Are you accountable? 

When mistakes are made, followers are quick to blame circumstances and other people. Leaders, on the other hand, are quick to accept accountability for their actions. They don't worry that admitting fault might make them look bad, because they know that shifting the blame would just make them look worse.

7. Are you unflappable? 

Followers often let obstacles and mishaps throw them off course. When something goes wrong, they assume the whole project is doomed. Leaders expect obstacles and love being challenged. They know that even the best-laid plans can run into unexpected problems, so they take problems in stride and stay the course.

8. Are you humble? 

Followers are always chasing glory. Leaders are humble. They don't allow any authority they may have to make them feel that they are better than anyone else. As such, they don't hesitate to jump in and do the dirty work when needed, and they won't ask anyone to do anything they wouldn't be willing to do themselves.

9. Are you passionate? 

Followers are trapped in the daily grind. They go to work and complete their tasks so that they can go home at the end of the day and resume their real lives. Leaders love what they do and see their work as an important part of—not a weak substitute for—real life. Their job isn't just what they do; it's an important part of who they are.

10. Are you motivated from within? 

Followers are only motivated by external factors: the next title, the next raise, the next gain in status. Leaders are internally motivated. They don't work for status or possessions. They are motivated to excel because it's who they are. True leaders keep pushing forward even when there's no carrot dangling in front of them.

11. Do you focus on titles? 

Followers care a lot about titles, both their own and those of the people they work with. They're very conscious of who outranks whom, because they lack the skill and motivation to create leadership from within. Leaders, on the other hand, focus on what each individual brings to the table, regardless of what's printed on a business card.

12. Are you focused on people? 

Followers focus on what they can achieve individually. Leaders are team players, because they know that greatness is a collective feat. A leader is only as good as what he or she can achieve through other people.

13. Are you willing to learn? 

Leaders, while confident, know that they're neither superhuman nor infallible. They're not afraid to admit when they don't know something, and they're willing to learn from anyone who can teach them, whether that person is a subordinate, a peer, or a superior. Followers are too busy trying to prove they're competent to learn anything from anyone else.

Bringing It All Together

Take another quick look at the questions above. There's not a single one about title, position, or place on the org chart. That's because you can have the title and position without being a leader.

You may have worked for someone who fits that description. And you probably have colleagues who serve in leadership roles without a title.

Leadership and followership are mindsets. They're completely different ways of looking at the world. One is reactive, and the other is proactive. One is pessimistic; the other is optimistic. Where one sees a to-do list, the other sees possibilities.  

So don't wait for the title. Leadership isn't something that anyone can give you—you have to earn it and claim it for yourself.

Read the original article on LinkedIn. Copyright 2015.

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Lonely, troubled by guilt and loathed by wealth equality activists – it can be tough being one of the top 1% in the world

Imagine, for a moment, that you are a member of the super-rich, one of the privileged 1 per cent, that exclusive club that has more money than the rest of us put together. Lucky you. You exist on a plane where whim is the reason you get out of bed each morning: the purchase of a tropical island, the acquisition of more gold taps for your bathroom. Your wardrobe – which is walk-in, naturally – might even boast more Jimmy Choos than Victoria Beckham's (also walk-in). The 99 per cent languish beneath you in perpetual soft-focused toil and struggle, and life is good, right?

Wrong. In 2015, you, hypothetical moneybags, have been bestowed with a conscience, and your bank balance is starting to feel like a burden. You need help. (You can afford it.) Your condition even has its own name now: wealth fatigue syndrome. And there are an increasing number of specialist therapists on hand to help, and from whom you will receive what you likely won't from the rest of society: a sympathetic ear.

“The media's idea of the 1 per cent is people that go out all the time and party, and buy cars, and keep spending,” says Jamie Traeger-Muney, an American psychologist practising in Israel, and the founder of the Wealth Legacy Group, which aims to help the wealthy “lead a rich life”.

“But my clients have more sense of conflict over their wealth. They feel lucky and privileged, yes, but they also have unique problems to deal with, and my work is to make them feel more comfortable with their status, to help them see what positive changes they can make in their lives.”

Many such millionaires, she suggests, struggle with the safety nets into which they were born – and statistics show that most were indeed born into wealth; few make it themselves. They often go to great lengths to conceal their fortune in social circles in an attempt to pass themselves off as “normal”. “There is a lot of secrecy around wealth, especially with friends,” she says, suggesting that many are scared to “come out” if they are the kind of person that cannot just foot the bill in any restaurant they visit, but buy the restaurant, too.

So what is the solution? Bill Gates would suggest excessive philanthropy, while many a hip-hop impresario seems quite happy building entertainment empires and funding youth projects. But still there is struggle. Mo' money, as the sage put it (specifically, in this case, Biggie Smalls), mo' problems.

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You know how to run.

You've done it thousands of times, swishing your arms back and forth, tackling ground one leg at a time. And yet, when you enter a dream, running becomes much more complex. You feel sluggish, weighed down, forced to pull your body through some kind of invisible quicksand hellbent on trapping you.

It feels like you're running in slow motion.

How does this happen? Some research indicates, as a whole, our dreams may actually occur in slow motion dreams may actually occur in slow motion. Daniel Erlacher, a psychologist at the University of Bern in Switzerland, conducted an experiment to analyze brain activity during sleep, interested in finding out how the brain reacts to action in a dream. If you're running in your dream, does that actually activate the parts of your brain related to running?

In order to measure brain activity, he conducted the experiment on lucid dreamers, people who practice controlling their dream experience.

When he asked them to complete an activity, the subjects took 50% longer to do it than they would have in real life.

How common of an occurrence is a slow-motion run, though? Ian Wallace, a psychologist and dream expert, says it's popular, but not that common.

"I have analyzed around 200,000 dreams for my clients and slow-motion running is the 55th most common," he tells Mashable.

People also have plenty of dreams where they're running at a normal speed, or even a super-quick speed, he says. When you pick up the pace, Wallace interprets, it's usually a precursor to flying dreams. Having interpreted thousands of dreams, Wallace believes there's a reason you're feeling that slo-mo pull.

"Your legs represent your fundamental drive as you push yourself forward through life," he explains. "If you feel that your legs are moving slowly, then you feel that there is something resisting your progress in waking life."

That dramatically slow sprint you're attempting could be a manifestation of your daily life, if you subscribe to dream interpretations.

Since people can experience lucid dreams even without intending to, Erlacher's research is likely the more common reason. Though you don't know it, your dream is happening more slowly because of your state of lucidity.

Now that you know, maybe your next dream run won't feel like such a nightmare in warp speed :)

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Whenever you use a computer, you leave behind a rich seam of personal information—and computers can use that to understand your personality far better than your family or friends.

Researchers from Stanford University in California and the University of Cambridge have performed a study which compared the personality traits of 86,000 participants acquired via a questionnaire with an analysis of their Facebook activity. Where the team had gathered data from over 100 Facebook likes for a person, their algorithms could determine a person's personality more accurately than their friends and family—and almost as well as their partner. The research is published in PNAS.

Interestingly, the techniques aren't limited to Facebook, so any analysis of other evidence left behind on a computer—the websites our visit, the purchases you make on Amazon, whatever—could all be used to contribute to working out what kind of person you are. It's not just idle research either: the team suggest that their insights could easily be used to predict your suitability for a job. Instead of applying for new employment, algorithms would spot from scouring internet data that you might be suitable—then headhunt you.

Scared? It's perhaps still a little early to panic. After all, this analysis is based on just five major personality traits, while many psychological analyses use hundreds of dimensions to build an accurate picture of you and your behaviour. Until computers can match that, no algorithm will ever know you as well as, say, your spouse. But regardless, the power of the algorithm is clear; it might be time to pay a little more care to what you like on Facebook.

[PNAS via New Scientist]

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Let’s get right to it with Gail Saltz, M.D. She’s a psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, columnist, bestselling author and television commentator, and a regular health, sex, and relationship contributor for international media.

The author of five books, including Becoming Real: Defeating the Stories We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back. Dr. Saltz is a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at New York Presbyterian Hospital/ Weill-Cornell School of Medicine and a psychoanalyst with New York Psychoanalytic Society and Institute. She maintains a private practice on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, and she and her husband and three daughters live in Manhattan.

Dr. Saltz—Gail—so glad to have you here on Mind Your Body. You’re so used to counseling others, asking them questions to help you get to know them better. I’d like to turn the tables now as we find out how you stay healthy. First, tell us about your diet. What do you eat to stay healthy?

As with most things psychological, I am all about moderation in eating. So I try to not go overboard with things less healthy like sugar and high fat. But I also don’t completely deny myself either, so for treats I will sometimes have dessert, cheese, red meat, etc. I am a food person, as in I love great food, I love to cook great food and as a family, food is a vehicle for fun and bonding. So with all that I stay conscious about being a model of a healthy eater for my daughters and because I do believe that eating in a healthy way helps your mood and stress level to stay in check.

And how does what we eat affect how we think and feel? That’s a real mind-body connection question…

Overdoing sugar can cause plummets afterwards in blood sugar which can make you irritable or anxious. Junk food is designed to make you crave more while never feeling satiated. Being overly restrictive or overly indulgent can be signs of an eating disorder. Part of the mind-body connection is also liking your body and feeling good about yourself. Healthy eating and exercise help a lot with that. I don’t LOVE exercising but I do think it’s essential to well-being, so I try to exercise four to five times per week. Exercise is as effective as an antidepressant for mild to moderate depression. It boosts mood and decreases anxiety and stress.

How do you advise clients to develop an overall “healthy” state of mind and emotional well-being?

What each patient needs is often different depending on their individual problems. But overall, knowing your own mind well, understanding what makes YOU tick is a key factor in maintaining a healthy state of mind. There is a power in that knowledge to behave in ways that enhance your life, and to avoid being self-destructive.

These are stressful times: the economy, ISIS, Ebola, to name a few. What are your tips for not letting all of this “get to you”—or better yet—get to us?

It does seem like the worst of times…but actually it’s that the stresses keep changing and the newness of each one makes it feel like these times are worse than any other. If you look back over history, each time felt like the worst of times to that group. However, one thing is different. We are such a globally-connected world now that every disaster everywhere has grown to seem like it’s in our own backyard. The 24/7 nature of media and our watching of it also makes it feel like a constantly-occurring train wreck as does our losing faith in authority figures to be able to protect us. Reducing the stress reaction to it all has to do with keeping this perspective.  You cannot control everything in life, you can appreciate what you do have in your own life, so stop partaking of the compulsion to seek out and watch disasters. Instead do what you can to problem-solve in your own life and have gratitude for the things you do have.

Some people are afraid of medications—after all, the side effects can be brutal, and sometimes it’s necessary to try several, or many. Why is it important to find the right med and stick with it?

It is true that for depression and anxiety that requires meds, which may not be the case if not severe, it may take two to four trials of medications to find the one that works for you. For severe and debilitating depression and anxiety it can make the difference between functioning and not, recovery and not, suicide and not, and also relapse and not. Going back off the med too soon may result in a relapse and one that is harder to treat.

And about therapy: What would you say are the real benefits to be gained, and how long does it “take” clients to effect change, in your experience?

The right type of therapy for the particular problem, by a well-trained and qualified therapist, is hugely important! Studies show that therapy plus medication is more effective than either alone for many problems. But therapy alone works well for many mild or moderate mental health issues and it also is preventive of reoccurrence because it teaches coping skills that are protective. The length of time truly depends on the symptom, the cause, the particular individual and the type of therapy. Short-term treatments can be eight to 10 sessions, long-term can be years.

How do you manage stress? And how can we manage stress in general?

Everyone has stress; even good things in life are stressful. It’s ok to have some stress. The problem is with chronic high levels of stress, because that affects your mental and physical health. Regular aerobic exercise is helpful in diminishing stress’s effect. Methods of relaxing like muscle relaxation, breathing, social support, talking to friends and partners, getting adequate sleep, distracting and absorbing outlets like reading, music, movies, and playing all help. What is not helpful is stressing about how much stress you are having.

We hear a lot about “balance.” Sounds good, but how can we achieve it? You, for example, do several things really well, but for some people, keeping too many juggling balls in the air doesn’t really work. Advice?

You can’t really “have it all,” meaning you do have to make some choices based on which things are your priorities. Deciding on your priorities and giving up some in favor of others is part of balance. Your priorities may change over time so keep reassessing. Choosing to pursue what you feel most passionately about makes doing those things both pleasurable and easier, leaving room for more. Picking a partner that supports you doing what you care deeply about also makes a huge difference!

So, this is a weekly celebrity-focused column. Readers can’t get enough of celebrities, but may compare themselves to them. What’s the danger in that? How do we take a dose of celeb and let it just be that?

Celebrities are human beings that have become famous for some reason, but that reason often has nothing to do with their expertise in the area of relationships, healthy living, parenting, medicine, mental health, etc. Yet, many people let their interest and admiration for the celebrity color everything they see that person say and do as though they were indeed expert in all those things and should be emulated. You might want to follow them for acting advice or fashion advice or whatever their particular skill is, but they shouldn’t be your role model for everything else. Also, fame is not a key to happiness…relationships are. Chasing fame, by being so besotted with celebrity, is most likely to create a lot of misery for you.

Follow her at @DrGailSaltz.

The interviewer, Stephanie Stephens, M.A., is a spokesperson and host for the active, mature female demographic—midlife and boomer. She writes, produces, and hosts her multimedia channel, Mind Your Body TV, featuring timely health and lifestyle blogs, podcasts, and videos—also seen on YouTube and syndicated by AOL/On

Credit: Interview by STEPHANIE STEPHENS of Community Table

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