Lineo Segoete: What if women lived in a judgement-free world? [OPINION]

According to UNFPA a critical step to achieving the desired gender parity is to empower adolescent girls to stay in school, know their rights and decide for themselves when, and to whom, they will get married.

As ambitious as the campaign may seem it is important to acknowledge that women’s minds are an abyss teeming with mystery and fantasy. The female half of our species is passionate, curious and more experimental than they care to admit in public. More than earning their own money and speaking their minds, women are becoming more confident and leaning away from judging themselves for either their thoughts or the subsequent actions they take to fulfill their desires. It is exciting to observe that a revolution is taking place against the negative connotations associated with the ‘independent woman’ phenomenon.

Women are imaginative beings

Contrary to common belief, women’s imaginations stretch beyond the dream of marrying a wealthy alpha male who will give them attractive children to groom into respectable adults. For some women marriage is not even on the cards and this has nothing to do with competing with men. As opposed to sixty years ago when most women’s ambitions were limited to having the prettiest house and garden, being the best cook or embodying the traditional standard of being approved of by everyone, women want to be recognised for their intellectual prowess and other qualities.

A significant number of females across the globe crave to be recognised as thinkers, inventors, scientists and contributors to politics and economics. The downside to this is that they are forced to work extra hard to be taken seriously or to prove themselves. A woman usually has to be endorsed by a male figure or cause a ruckus to be paid due audience otherwise she risks being received as ungovernable and wild. 

Public validation leads to unhappiness

Everyone wants to be happy, successful and free to do as they please, women included. When these desires are compromised people tend to resort to lying and misrepresenting themselves. A woman will lie about the number of men she has slept with, she will feign coyness when asked about her sexual fantasies and she would rather play ignorant than speak out on controversial topics. Put the same woman in an environment where she feels comfortable and free and prepare for some profound revelations. For example, most fierce boss-type women love a man they can submit to but only with the guarantee that he will continue to show her the utmost respect. Submission signals trust, not fuel for the male counterpart’s ego.

Although it is often presented as a weakness, women are naturally more sensitive and emotional than the average male. I choose to see these as admirable qualities because humans are so inclined to present falsified versions of their true selves. We hide real feelings to avoid being disapproved of or upsetting others, rather than deal with issues head on. We keep quiet and trap ourselves in a pool of hatred and animosity instead of working on love. A testimony to how deeply this runs is how we casually smile and share light conversations with people we have scores to settle with for the sake of keeping up appearances. We vent our true feelings privately (to the misfortune of those closest to us) to avoid external judgement. Doing this inevitably creates bitterness and vindictive people because we then judge ourselves for the things we were not courageous enough to say. In short, our failure to directly face and express emotions leads to a vicious cycle of negativity.

Those who have awoken to the reality that is ‘the 21st century woman’ reap the rewards daily. If the trend catches on I am optimistic enough to believe that our world will transform into a safer environment for all women and girls to flourish. To embrace the crazy idea that women are breaking out of age-old boxes and setting new cultural standards is synonymous with embracing change as an inevitable element of existence. It is certainly something for the brave, not conservatives who are set in their ways even when compelling evidence is presented before them. Women want to be themselves without a judgemental assault, both external and internal, on their choices and thoughts and I am glad authoritative institutions such as the United Nations recognise this. Those who are still opposed to empowering women will have no choice but to follow suit!

Credit: http://thisisafrica.me/ [Written by Lineo Segoete]