When People shout and go all hagahaga about Nigerian Facebook feminists, I simply smile because Unah never see something. Feminists dey and Misandrist (Extremists) dey.

So I was invited as a guest speaker at a women’s program, hosted by the school. After the program, this particular group of ladies reached out to me and applauded how unbiased and bold I was with my points and views, irrespective of how Men objected and frowned at them. They invited me to their weekly hangout, I promised them that I’ll be there.

Fast forward to when I arrived at the hangout venue, they were already settled, orders and shit in place. I made myself at home. It was easy, since for some weird reasons, they were all seeing me as some kind of celeb. I gingerly accepted my celebrity status and went with the flow.

Now, the important part of this write up, a very interesting topic was raised and it goes. 

Two months ago, Crystal, a prominent member of the group and her friend, Frank, had a 100% consensual sex. Not once, not twice but Eight good times (can’t believe she was counting though). Later on, Crystal felt it started being embarassing to have had sex with Frank, as she then found out that he’s homophobic and doesn’t believe in equality of sexes( He’s the ultimate traditionalist and not violent at all ). Crystal retroactively withdrew her sexual consent, so that all the previous sex they had, now becomes rape.

Menh,  I was really confused, like wtf just happened. The most annoying part is that the so called members were all for “A girl must have the right to change her mind after the whole thing is over”

“Yes, it was absolutely consensual all the way through the act 

Yes, both were happy when they left the room. 

Yes, she should have the right to change her mind and retract her consent after the event. Hours, days, weeks, months and even years later. 

Yes, that makes the event rape.”

Someone please wake me up, like for realz I’m traumatized. They both left the room happy, for crying out loud, that’s spirit crushing. I can’t begin to imagine what I just stumbled upon. where do one begin to address such fucked up mentality. 

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I have been wanting to write on MORAL ABSOLUTISM OR ABSOLUTIST MENTALITY and this particular incident presented me with the perfect opportunity to do so.

Moral absolutism: Actions are inherently moral(right) or immoral(Wrong) regardless of the beliefs and goals of the individual or groups that engages in the actions. IT’S EITHER BLACK OR WHITE. THERE’RE NO IN-BETWEENS OR SECOND GUESSING IT. 

I sat opposite this really cute guy in the cosy lounge of Palm beach hotel. Sweet instrumental music played in the background. I looked at his face. A shade of sorrow beamed on his pretty face.

“What’s wrong? There’s something bothering you…”, I asked. I know I might be disturbing but there’s this look on his face that tore at my heart. He just smile but ignored the question.

I wanted to leave that place and space but my legs couldn’t seems to move. I shaa forced myself to stand, before I could leave, he round the table kissed me on both chick and hugged me a little longer than usual and said:

“I really don’t know you but thank you and please don’t leave because of me”. Ok now I’m really confused, he seems not to appreciate my concerns initially, now he’s being all touchy and asking me to stay. Like who the hell are you. “Oga  I was just concerned that’s all” as I turned to leave.

“I know, I know. Please wait, this might probably be last time we see each other, I just need to talk. Just talk”.  Now, that really got me, I was a little too brash. I mean I knew immediately I saw the face that something was seriously not right with him. 

“I did something really bad, not illegal I must add but morally it’s bad anyways. So much double standard, I criticized something now and two minutes later I’m doing the same thing. I seriously hurt a loved one and my anger is that I didn’t think twice before doing it and I’m still not feeling bad about it and I might do it again if opportunity presented itself. I’m more concerned about being judged than anything else. What typa man, am I?. He said.

“I really don’t know what you did but I don’t think it’s always that black and white. No human like being judged, so I can understand where you’re coming. Sometimes we make some difficult decisions or not so difficult decision. But in my book, there’s always an in-between, nothing is absolutely wrong or right. I mean who gets to choose what’s really the wrong right ?. You should live happily and move on with your life because from the look on face it wasn’t an easy decision no matter how you try deny that”

I suddenly realized that he was crying on seeing his shirt wet with his tears. I handed him a tissue paper and walked away without saying another word.

When I got home, I was a little bit disturbed. I’m not really sure what I said to this man was really the right thing to say to him. I should have persuaded him to download the full gist before telling him that nothing is totally wrong or right. That thing are not always that black and white. What if he slept with her brother’s or bestie’s wife/gf , sure that’s not illegal but morally wrong to some or all. What if he eloped with a friend’s money, ok that’s illegal. 

So many “What ifs” but the funny thing is that I always find an in-between in them. Maybe he fell in love with the dude’s wife and acted on the spur of emotions. He might even go as far as marrying the girl if situations presented itself. That’s mean but love happens.

The challenge with moral absolutism, however, is that there will always be strong disagreements about which moral principles are correct and which are incorrect.

I still amazed at how far I’ve come. I was this morally rigid person and a judgmental one at that.  Being able to unlearn some certain things for me was my ultimate win.

Back to the ish at hand. Is morality really absolute?

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I was talking to my good friend Steph the other day. We were talking about how in our current day there seems to be so much heresy out there that it is hard to keep up with it anymore. No sooner did I get off the phone with her did I get onto Facebook and notice that some congregants of a local church had a brand new way of suckering people into their fellowship.

First off, let me say that I know that there are many reasons to leave a church. Oft time we hope that we will find the church that is tailor made for our needs and we never seem to find that church. One of the problems with that is that we go to churches looking for ways that the church can meet our needs when all along we should be going there to meet the needs of others. We often go to church to find a godly pastor. Believe it or not, there are good men out there who are as godly as one can get and the good ones acknowledge that it is God that makes them righteous. There are a few pastors who are humble and contrite.

However, on the flip-side of the coin, there are many pastors who are into their “calling” for capital gain or to see who can build the biggest church in their town. To put it frankly, many pastors are in their field to build quantity instead of seeking quality. So, there are those who have attended churches like I've mentioned above who have faltered for the reasons that I have stated above or for any other number of misguided ways. Most people who have quit going to church are what we call, “once bitten, twice shy,” and they have been disappointed by what they have seen in churches and as far as they are concerned, they don’t want to see more hypocrites and fake testimonies. These people are right in assigning that label to many Christians and churches. I've been burned so many times myself that I have quit numbering the times. I’ll have friends from the past call or write and ask me if I remember a particular circumstance or transgression that a particular pastor or church have committed and I am having a hard time remembering them anymore.

I was one of those people; the ones that refused to go back to church. I’d seen it all; the lying, cheating, the theft, the adultery, the fornication and those who are outright false shepherds sent from the enemy of God out to enrich their pockets at the expense of their gullible followers. 

For a period of five years I refused to attend church because I was fifteen times bitten, sixteen times shy, so to speak. I had enough. For those of you who have been burned once or twice, you really are novices. I've been burned numerous times and I've even been kicked out of churches. Believe it or not, I was even excommunicated from the Assemblies of God, simply because I asked questions about improprieties that was obviously happening under the noses, that is everyone was pretending not to notice. So if anyone dare say that I don’t know what I am talking about I would say that I can bet the whole pot and know that you would lose all of your chips because I am some sort of king when it comes to seeing awful pastors, parishioners and being rejected and written off as dead by supposed “good meaning Christians.”

The thing is that after a while God would show me that I was being unreasonable. He showed me that I was expecting Christians to live up to pure holiness and righteousness when that was impossible. Nobody is completely holy or righteous except God. I tend to be a perfectionist that realizes that I cannot possibly be perfect, but I often tend to try anyway, realizing my limitations. I expected others to live up to the personal goals that I set up for myself and when they failed, they were to blame. But NO, I was the one to blame because I was looking up to men instead of realizing the frailty of men whereas I should have been keeping my eyes on God, the author and finisher of MY faith. I was to blame as much, and probably more than the people I was blaming for the folly that I saw in the Church.

Now here’s the deal. When you have a genuine conversion in God through faith in God, you develop the ability to hear from God. If you are truly His, and He wants you to attend a Church then he will work on you while you are not attending. I had to go through a period of sliding back in order for Him to reveal to me that I needed to fellowship with His believers, no matter what they were like. My period of time away from fellowship wasn't great. Looking in retrospect, I was not a good person; I was miserable. I became self-righteous and thought that I was too good for most churches and my big mistake was that I thought I could survive alone. But, as I mentioned above; God finally broke through the varnish that I had painted on myself and he led me back to fellowship with Him and with other believers.

So, why did I say all of that. Okay, here it goes. Well, first let me say that I’ll sure be glad when God comes back and bring a right mind to His Church. I am getting soooo (misspelled intentionally) tired of seeing the perversions of His Word; the contortions of Scripture and the blatant lying that goes on between believers. I’m tired of seeing the false shepherds and the false prophets. I know that these people are a sign of the times and such. I think that bothers me the most and really wearies me is when people like me, who try to help people back to the straight path; when we are maligned, called liars, judgmental, lacking love and other number of titles that are bestowed on the watchmen of the current age. My flesh would just love to respond to these people that I just didn't care anymore; that if they want to disobey God and suffer the consequences I just release them to that fate.

However, when you love people, you just can’t do that and when you have a commission as a watchman you have to warn people, even right up to the time when the enemy thrusts the sword. To hear the words, “you’re being judgmental, leave me alone,” really rends the heart. To watch loved ones fall by the sword because they would not allow you to throw them a shield is truly heartbreaking.

Hopefully we all meet at the HEAVENLY ALTAR. SHALOM!

 *written by Dineo Nguwazi Lebata

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There’s something that always ‘vexes’ me with peeps. It’s called self esteem. Are your decisions in life influenced by what other people say or do? Do you always strive to please others, so you can 'belong' instead of yourself. Self Esteem...A lot of people claim to have it but only a few actually does. See, let’s break it d own.

"This life is a test. It is only a test. If this had been a real life, you would have received further instructions on what to do and how to do it." Ever heard those words? When you first read them, it's almost a relief. "Whew! It's just a test."

But when you look deeper, you ask: "Well what, exactly, is being tested?"

Then you conclude: "Me. I am being tested." Well, what about me is being tested?

Here's where it gets interesting. Cause when you strip away the cover, it all boils down to:

Am I loveable? Am I enough? Am I worthy? Am I deserving? So if your loveability is being tested, then who is doing the judging? Who grades the test? If you're grading yourself, then there's no need for a test. Rather, it can be a self-assessment. That's called self-esteem. Self-esteem is the estimate you make of yourself. And you're already assessing yourself every minute of every day. It's the definition of self-esteem. But self-esteem is not a test.

No. If life is a test, then by definition it must be graded by another. It could be your friends, your lover, your family, your church, your job, your co-workers, your paycheck, your car, your house... any number of things or people. Bottom line: it's an Outside Authority who's grading you.

If you're holding the concept of life as a test; then you're also holding the concept of an Outside Authority. Someone other than you is making the judgment or the assessment of whether or not you pass or fail. That's called victimhood. There's an epidemic of victimhood in our world today which seems to be getting worse. And victimhood always leads to pain.

Another problem with the 'test' concept is that it robs you of your power. You must give your power away to this Outside Authority. Since an outside authority doesn't really exist, you have to keep giving more and more power to more and more people and things. "Will you take my power and use it for good?" Meaning; will you validate me? Will you conclude I’m loveable? This is impossible. If we get caught in the trap of seeking outside validation from an outside authority - it's like a downward spiral to more victimhood and less power. It makes us more and more resentful. More bitter. More blaming. More separate from ourselves and from the world around us. Which leads to more pain.

What's the solution? Realize it's not possible for anyone else to conclude whether you're enough or whether you're loveable. Or deserving. Or worthy. The question itself is a lie. It's not possible to be unlovable. It's not possible to be unworthy. No matter how much we pretend otherwise. You were created. By a Creator. You are loved. End of story. When you really, really get it - that you are loved by the One Who created you - you'll no longer wonder if you're enough. You'll no longer worry about passing a test. That's been my experience.

There's no greater feeling on this earth than to know I measure up. And that it was never a question of measuring up in the first place! I thought I had to pass some sort of unspoken test, but those thoughts were really just keeping me from feeling the love. Otherwise, it's like hiding underground and saying the sun doesn't shine for me. The sun shines for all. The sun is always shining. Everyone can bask in the sun.

Also - return to the foundation of self-esteem. Which is: I assess myself. I am the only one who determines my level of esteem. I decide. I assess. I assess my honesty. My integrity. My level of conscious responsibility. My level of trust. That's the foundation of self-esteem. The whole notion that 'life is a test' is a fraud. It's a trick designed to rob you of your power.

As you fruitlessly plead with the world: "Please, please, please, Mrs. World- give me a passing grade. My parents will kill me if I don't pass this life." You could just as easily conclude - "Life is a gift. I am already loved 100%. The fact that I’m alive proves it. Now, let me be honest enough - and responsible enough - to dismantle the lie I've bought into."

When you stand on THAT foundation, things automatically start looking up. Do I have the courage to earn my self-esteem? Or will I hide in a lie? I get to decide. That's the greatest gift of all.


 *Written by Ms DOYIN
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 *to have your opinion article(s) published, simply send to scantygela@gmail.com OR SUBMIT ONLINE

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Life is stressful most of the time, the world is flawed and people are 2 faced; to make a bad situation worse; we live in a country where nothing works right and we often struggle to balance the urge to do so much or to just give up altogether. Most of us work hard in our individual lives, at the end of a hard day; we have no fuel to drive home, we pay ridiculous taxi fares, stay in traffic for over 2 hours only to get home to a house with no electricity. We read everyday of terrorism, thieving politicians, devalued currency, cheating yoruba men(aka demons) and other life threatening things we accept as the order of the day.

Really, i believe being Nigerian prepares you for hard times and teaches you coping mechanisms for hard times and i admire the strength and zeal of all hardworking Nigerians.

Despite all the above, Nigeria is an interesting place to live in, it certainly contributes to character development. Below are a few things i have learnt from being Nigerian

To be stronger – Only the strong will survive and thrive in this economy. I’ve learnt the need to be stronger and to always be one step ahead, I’m tough because in a society that doesn’t recognize women as equals, i have to work extra hard to prove myself.

To be hopeful – We are the most hopeful citizens; we cling to the hope and belief that things must surely get better one day. This can’t possibly be our eternal reality; so we hope and hope. I’ve learnt to be extremely hopeful for the possibility of a much better day.

To persevere – We keep struggling believing that any day could be the day we get that lucky break that will elevate us and change our current circumstance. So we persevere through all trials. I’ve learnt that no does not really mean no and that there is no situation that one can not handle with the right tactics or amount so i persevere through any and every situation.

High tolerance level – There’s so much negative things that we’ve gotten used to as a way of life (poor infrastructure, corrupt leaders, cheating husbands, high unemployment rate, Boko haram, underage brides, rape culture, ebola, gender inequality) just to mention a few. I have definitely attained a high tolerant level to situations.

To be more spiritual – In Nigeria, the answer to all questions and the solution to every dilemma is God. You get used to phrases like ‘it is well’, ‘God is in control’, ‘God will do it for you’, ‘God’s time is the best’. Religion is something Nigerians NEED to cling to; the desperate hope that if they live right then a higher power will reward them. I’m a Christian and i have to say that being a Nigerian living in Nigeria has taught me to be more spiritual.

To be competitive – I grew up around a LOT of comparison, to siblings, cousins, neighbors, classmates and so on. If you’re Nigerian you have heard ‘the person that came first does she have two heads?’. Being Nigerian has taught me to be very competitive in all situations.

The list is truly endless but i have learnt so much from being Nigerian and i believe that the traits i have picked up can allow me to live and thrive anywhere in the world. Everyone knows that Nigerians are EVERYWHERE. Even in the most unlikely places like Alaska, Uzbekistan, Afghanistan, Cyprus, Syria, Iraq, etc.

Really, i believe being Nigerian prepares you for hard times and teaches you coping mechanisms for hard times and i admire the strength and zeal of all hardworking Nigerians.

What has being Nigerian taught you? I would love to hear it all.

Proudly Nigerian.

Love x Light

N.
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I met Theresa Lola when she performed at the African Literary Evening. She got a standing ovation for her poem ‘Bring Back Our Girls’. She has a mesmerizing power, and you will agree with me that she is incredibly talented. She spoke to Tundun Adeyemo from www.blackandoutspoken.com over the weekend.

Why poetry? How did you get into poetry?

I developed an interest in writing while in primary school after entering a story writing competition set up by the school. In my teenage years, as I began experiencing more things in life, I began to focus on poetry as I felt it was a more intimate and powerful way to express myself.

What is the most that has generated most acclaim for you?

The ‘Bring Back Our Girls’ poem has so far generated for me the most acclaim. It’s a poem written for the girls kidnapped by Boko Haram in April 2014. Apart from me, there are a lot of people doing all they can to keep the ‘Bring Back Our Girls’ campaign alive so people really connected with the emotions in the poem when they heard it.

Who is your favourite poet?

I have a few who I admire for different reasons. Three of my favourites are Warsan Shire, Aja Monet and Zora Howard. 

What books are you reading now?

"Imagine This" by Sade Adeniran, "Americanah" by Chimamanda Adichie,  " She Sweats" by Aja Monet

Are there enough female African poets or spoken word artistes?

A lot of poets are ‘underground’ writers and sometimes unless involved in the stage or other forms of promotion it is hard to tell just how many female African poets there are in the UK. There could be more; however, the few that are in the UK are doing great things with their work and are setting a path and standard for those coming into the spoken word scene. 

Who is the most famous artiste you have worked with?

As of now, most of my collaborations have been with either filmmakers or producers. I frequently work a music producer from London known as ‘Kente Kwame’ who has produced music for the likes of Fifi Rong, Elijah Benoit and The Wordstress. In the future, I would love to collaborate with other poets.

Where are you going with your poetry? Is this what you wanted to be when you were younger?

I  have always wanted to be a writer. I would love to release  a book and someday and hopefully perform full time.  Being successful in the world of both spoken word, and written poetry is also my main dream. 

What inspires you?

Everything my eyes have seen or my ears have heard, or my hands have touched. Past experiences, along with my childhood and my perspective on life are huge inspirations. My poems are also a reflection of social and political issues in the world today. The desire to be an added voice to these issues inspires me to write about them

Tell us something about you that you haven't told anybody before ?

Hmm hahaha, I once took karate classes when I was 12, but after noticing the tall people in the karate class and seeing my own small skinny body, I decided to quit.

Are you looking forward to Christmas?

I am very excited.  Christmas, it’s such a joyful time of the year. It’s a family tradition every year for us  to come together as a family to play games, cook, open presents and just have fun. 

Is there a link between poetry and fashion? I see you like fashion as well.

I love fashion; both are ways in which I express myself. Finding my own style and finding my own voice in poetry as I got out of my shy shell were similar journeys growing up. Both have blossomed at the same time which is why there are interchangeable tools for me. Fashion is just as powerful, a symbol of an expression. A colour can tell you different emotions based on how a person is wearing it, the same way two poets can write about the same thing, but from different angles.

Any message for those who want to be like you?

Write as much as you can to get your mind into the habit of opening up. Be persistent, network and prioritize. 

Everybody has enjoyed the poem about the Chibok girls you wrote why did you write it? 

I was first approached by the media platform called ‘Word On The Curb’ to write about a current issue. Upon finding out the youngest girl kidnapped was about 9, I felt an even stronger urge to write a poem ‘Bring Back Our Girls’ on the Chibok Girls. I felt different emotions, sadness, anger and remorse not just for the girls but for their families.

You are working on your book, when should we expect that?

The book should be released before summer of 2015. It’s something I want to take my time with and give it my all.

Where can we find out more about you?

My Twitter handle is @theresa_lola.  I have a poetry and fashion blog which is creativeshot.tumblr.com 

Thank you so much.

Originally published on www.blackandoutspoken.com

Tundun from Sahara Reporters contributed.

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It's Sunday and a beautiful day. Here's a video of  Hay Why De Rapper going in on a rap holy rampage to give God several meanings.

Watch Video below:

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Bonus video below:

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Hey guys, how are you doing? How has life fared with you lately? The hustle and bustle of becoming a man ain't an easy job, I must confess! But with God and diligence in fulfilling purpose, we'll get there.

I write this letter to you to point out some things which you ought to know before marriage or as
you continue in that relationship.

This letter is strictly for men, not boys or players.
First concerning how you treat ladies. I know
quite alright that ladies are emotional only few
are not. Please, don't take advantage of that and
inflict emotional pain on them.

If you know she's not going to be your wife,
there’s no point promising her heaven and earth
just to get her in bed.
If you think you're smart, your smartness cannot
prevent the nemesis or daring consequences that
would one day catch up with you.

It's better you avoid the consequences of an
action because of its few minutes pleasure than
to face its agony and regrets in the near future.
What are you doing about your life and future? I
know it's trendy to go clubbing and indulge in all
youthful exuberance. See, life doesn't go on a
stretch forever and every time wasted cannot be
recovered.

If at age 30 or close to it, you haven't define your
life or you're still depending on friends, family or
relatives, you need to work on yourself.

Where do you put God in your life? Consider God
in the time of your youth before it's too late.
Many of you who turned back on God will
someday run back to Him for help. If you cannot
dance to the devil's music, it's better you start
learning God's steps.

Hear this guys, love isn't sex! Don't tell a lady to
prove her love to you because you want to have a
'taste' of her. I know everyone is going haywire
with premarital sex but you can choose to
abstain.

Apart from it being sin against God, it will make
you vulnerable to STDs and some problems
'rubber' cannot prevent.
It doesn't matter if she calls you names if you
choose to abstain, or you become an object of
mockery amongst your friends, run for your dear
life.

Think about your future and life hereafter. Don't
give your strength to strange women, preserve it
for your wife.

Have you discovered your purpose in life? That
very reason why God has created you?
Jumping from one lady to another without
discovering your purpose on earth will make you
miserable and waste away in life.

Know your purpose in life and be on track to
attain it's fulfillment before you think of going
into a relationship. It's not difficult, it would
only prevent you from distraction.

Watch the company of friends you keep. Are they
contributing positively to your life or they are
emptying you of virtues and opportunities?
It's not a must you hang out with friends if you
do not benefit from them. You can stand alone
with God and make lasting impact than to keep
dozens of friends with no footprints in the sand
of time.

Man up guys! Build your financial, spiritual,
mental and emotional life. Only a crazy man
beats a woman even if she pushed you to the
wall. There is a button of patience to press to
control your anger.

Work on your mental development. Read good
books to acquire knowledge and skill. Get
intimate with God so that your wife wouldn't
become a victim of false prophets or you become
a spiritual babe in handling matters of life at the
homefront.

My guy, you're going to be a father someday.
Don't do the things you wouldn't be proud of
your son to emulate or would want anyone to do
to your daughter.

If you wouldn't want to leave a bad legacy for
your unborn children, don't tread the path now.
I'd have love to tell you more but I believe you
know the importance of life and time and I'm
constrained due to space.

Don't waste away chasing every Tom, Dick and
Harry for sex. Conserve your energies and
channel it into a more productive cause in life.
I hope the few wise ones would treasure this
letter, share it or send it to a friend.

Written by Saint George Bashiru

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Righting old wrongs - Sometimes, people choose mates who resemble their parents not because of fond memories, but to make amends for an unhappy childhood. Psychotherapist Elayne Savage says familiarity is a big reason people may choose someone like Mom or Dad as a partner.

"This is most common if you felt rejected or abandoned by a parent and still haven't worked through it," says Stephen Treat, director of the Council for Relationships, a Philadelphia nonprofit. "Your psyche wants to go back to the scene of the crime, so to speak, and resolve that parental relationship in a marriage."

Women who felt abandoned by their fathers are likely to choose emotionally unavailable men, for example, and men raised by hypercritical moms will be drawn to wives who pick on them, he says.

It's not a good idea. "You think you'll be able to heal this way, but you're probably no more equipped to deal with the situation than you were as a child, and the parental dynamic gets repeated in your marriage, usually with bad consequences," he says.

Comfort in familiarity

Psychotherapist Elayne Savage says familiarity is a big reason people may choose someone like Mom or Dad as a partner.

"When you grow up familiar with a certain type of person, you're attracted to that same type of person because it feels comfortable, whether you like it or not," says Savage, author of "Breathing Room: Creating Space to Be a Couple." "That's what people mean when they meet a potential partner and say, 'It 'feels like I've known him my whole life.'"

Anecdotal evidence also suggests that a parent's physical or intellectual traits may have some influence. A Hungarian researcher studied the facial features of 52 families and found a significant correlation between the appearance of men and their fathers-in-law and those of women and their mothers-in-law.

And in a survey of approximately 2,700 "high-achieving" men -- those in the top 10 percent of their age income bracket and/or with an advanced degree -- a University of Iowa researcher found they are likely to marry women with education levels and careers that mirror those of their moms.

Miami resident Aaron Gordon, 27, wouldn't argue. Gordon's wife, Rebecca, 27, has the same career as his mom -- teaching gifted elementary-schoolers -- and the women share a love of cooking and talking on the phone.

"When I met Rebecca, she was pursuing a career in advertising, and it wasn't until well after we started dating that she decided she didn't like advertising and opted instead to get her master's in education," says Aaron. "Although I definitely wanted to marry an educated woman, I wouldn't say that it was critical that she match my mom's level of schooling -- though in the end, they both earned master's degrees."

Rebecca says Aaron is just like her dad. "The longer I'm with Aaron, the more I notice idiosyncratic things, like the fact that they both love politics, and are both bad drivers, and both love going to supermarket for like two hours and buying too much stuff," she laughs.

Reclaiming personal history

Does that mean it's a mistake to marry somebody like Mom or Dad?

Casey Clark Ney, 30, hopes not. She and her dad, who is now deceased, lived in different states after her parents divorced when she was a child. Although they had a warm phone relationship, Casey only saw him once or twice a year, and he wasn't very physically affectionate.

Her husband, James, 31, resembles her dad and has a similar "hard-working, calm, kind" quality. But James, too, isn't very affectionate.

"He grew up in a family who didn't do a lot of hugs and kisses and 'I love you's, and that does bother me," says Ney, a freelance journalist in Boise, Idaho. "I think there could be some truth in the idea that I'm working through my history in my marriage."

Breaking the chain

Despite evidence that suggests some of us are attracted to mates who resemble our parents, it's not a foregone conclusion, says therapist Barbara Swenson, director of the Couple Center in Sherman Oaks, California.

"If you want very badly to have a different and better relationship than the ones you grew up with, you can accomplish that if you go about it very consciously."

Swenson offers these pointers:

• Don't jump in. "Ideally you should date for a couple of years before engagement -- and not just long distance," she says. "You need to be together on those days when your car won't start ... to see how you and your partner support each other."

• Don't be afraid to disagree. "Assert yourself and see what your partner does with that," she says. "Can they put their needs aside and follow your lead once in a while? Make sure your relationship has room for give and take."

• Talk about life issues. Some questions to discuss sooner rather than later: If we have kids, will one of us stay home? Who will manage our money? "Premarital counseling can get these questions out on the table in a civilized way, and prevent problems down the road," says Swenson.

Credit: BBC Magazine

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I come to a point in my life when I start to doubt formal education. These few days I had some experiences that got me thinking about the point of learning things, that we know we don't like, we're not familiar, and/or we'll never use e.g. GE courses.

According to University of Illinois: "In order to be a well-educated, successful, and valuable participant in our rapidly changing global community, students need more than a professional or vocational training. When they graduate, they will enter a world in which they can expect to hold different jobs, and indeed even work in a succession of careers over the course of their lives. In order to prepare for this exciting, challenging future, they need during their college years not only to specialize in a major and train for a career, but to become more broadly educated, conversant with at least some of the many rapidly changing disciplines. They need to gain a sense of our past achievements, present developments, and future possibilities."

The thing is, if we never use/re-cite/talk about things that we learn, we'll eventually forget about it. I know that because I just had an experience with it. I feel that I've wasted my time and money in learning something that I won't use. 

I know that some of that stuff might come up someday, somehow, when talking to someone, but....if I can't recall what it is, it won't make me look or sound smarter. 

Example conversation:

Buddy: "We need to save paper more dude. If we keep on wasting paper, the trees that help sucking carbon dioxide from atmosphere will be depleting. You know, global warming will get worse."

Me: "Since when trees can suck carbon dioxide?"

Buddy: "Photosynthesis dude. Remember? From biology? Trees breathe carbon dioxide and produce oxygen during photosynthesis."

Me: "I guess I've heard something about photosynthesis from somewhere..."

Buddy: "..."

At another time, sometime after conversation with Buddy. In a group meeting to discuss ideas to reduce global warming. 

Me (enthusiastic with his "brilliant" idea): "You know, I think we should build an Air Conditioner-type of machine that can convert carbon dioxide into oxygen. So, we reduce carbon dioxide and produce oxygen at the same time!"

Group member: "Dude... it's impossible, the energy required to convert carbon dioxide to oxygen is huge. And to produce that energy, we'll burn more fuel and produce more carbon dioxide than we can convert."

Me (thinking): "Was it taught in biology class too?"

These conversation are just made up, and honestly I don't really know if it's actually true or not. It's just a sample conversation I made up, so don't sue me. 

Back to my point, I see the point of having to learning something that you don't know you'll use. I know my Flash class makes my Resume looks great, but if I'm offered a job in Flash, I'm sure I'll be fired on the next day. 

I have talked to several people about this, and they say that knowing more make them feel better about themselves. I can understand that, and sometimes I feel excited in learning something new too. But for me the "feel good" is only temporary. And eventually, the knowledge will be rotten somewhere in a corner of my brain. 

So to sum up, I'll put a quote by Don Akchin: "The more you learn, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why study?"

Credit: Peter's Blog

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Whether we know it or not, we’ve all met some form of the typical “Miss Independent.”
Some of us know her better than others; some of us claim that title ourselves.

She’s the self-sufficient, somewhat mysterious go-getter with big dreams and an even bigger heart, though not everyone sees it at first glance.

Some might see her as cold and distant, because she needs a significant amount of alone time to keep her from feeling scattered and spread so thin that she disappears. Sure, she has family and friends with whom she loves to spend much of her time, but it’s in her nature to crave those precious hours of solitude—being only with her thoughts, completely alone in a crowd or in the vastness of a quiet scene.

Some call it antisocial; she calls it sanity.

For any or all of these reasons and then some, she’s never been the type to “fall in love.” In fact, if she has ever been in a relationship to any degree, it was likely one of the most difficult and confusing things she’s ever experienced—and she’s not usually one to be deterred.

Perhaps she’s too focused on her goals to realize that love could be knocking on her door, or she’s so comfortable with being in control that the thought of surrendering even a little bit to someone else makes her uneasy. There’s also a chance that, despite her outward confidence and undeniable potential for success, she’s extremely insecure.

Or, maybe she’s simply afraid of opening herself up enough to be loved.

Whatever the reason, it comes down to the fact that this girl probably doesn’t know how to handle the love that a suitor might want to give her. It doesn’t mean she’s a lost cause, it just means that developing any kind of relationship with her will require an approach that’s more sensitive to her guarded heart.

In an effort to offer some insight, here are a few pointers for learning how to love a girl who doesn’t know how to be loved:

1. Be patient.
Don’t expect her to feel comfortable with diving headfirst into anything even slightly resembling romance. Keep in mind, it’s probably taken her a great deal of contemplation and courage to even consider spending her time with you. And if she does appear comfortable responding to your first moves, it’s quite possible that she’s actually terrified of what you’ll think of her if she asks to slow things down. So, she just musters the strength to submit herself to the moment, only to spend all night feeling horrible about her dishonesty and inability step on the brakes. This will freak her out enough to make her sever whatever ties were made and withdraw immediately—something she’s not afraid to do.

To avoid that, let things unfold at a pace that feels natural, which might be slower than what’s considered “normal.” Remember, she’s not used to this, and too much at once will surely send her over the edge. Showing sensitivity to her pace will let her know that she doesn’t have to fear being out of control, causing a miscommunication or feeling the pressure of time.

2. Talk.
Because she spends so much of her time alone and in her head, this girl might be under the impression that her thoughts and opinions are a bit too intense for others. She rarely shares the things on her mind, as she fears that whatever’s in there is so deep and inquisitive that people will think it’s overdramatic, oddly philosophical or just plain weird. She values deep conversation, but feels that she can exercise this pleasure with relatively few people, if any at all.

So talk with her. Let her know that she can say what’s on her mind, and don’t be afraid of her ability to dissect every possible meaning of a theory she’s been hung up on for weeks. If she apologizes for rambling about it, tell her she doesn’t need to be sorry, she doesn’t need to suppress it. Make her feel that although she is certainly unique for having such thoughts, she isn’t crazy or abnormal.

Tell her it makes her all the more beautiful.
And then, give it right back to her. Be sure to engage in her contemplations just as much as you listen; she wants to hear your thoughts more than you realize.

3. Support her.
Part of this girl’s struggle with letting herself be loved could be that she is relentlessly focused on her dreams and goals, so much so that she forgets to make room in her life for other things—like relationships. It’s not something she does intentionally, she’s just extremely determined to achieve whatever she has set out to do.

If she is forced to make a choice between a love life and her goals, she’s already chosen the latter. So don’t make her choose.
And certainly don’t make her feel guilty for not spending more of her time with you as a result—she’ll take that as another sign that she needs to sever the ties, even if they’re stronger at this point.

Instead, support her. If you really love this girl and she really loves you, then she’ll welcome the encouragement. She’ll want to support you, too. Let her; with a heart as passionate as hers, you’ll want her on your team.

4. Don’t be two halves of a whole, be two wholes that make an even greater whole.
Remember that this “Miss Independent” is just that—an independent chick with an ability to fend for herself. She might even be afraid of relying on others, no matter how much she trusts them.

Therefore, don’t think of a relationship with her as one that joins two halves together to make a whole; she won’t treat it as such, and she definitely won’t feel comfortable if you do. Rather, see it as two wholes becoming an even greater whole—two individuals who love each other enough to respect the other’s independence and uniqueness.

This includes honoring her need for alone time. She realizes that you are a person with or without her and asks that you see her in the same way. Being able to spend time apart is important to her; she doesn’t want to rely on your presence, nor does she want you to rely on hers.

Don’t try to spend every hour of every day with her unless you want her to feel so bombarded that she tailspins into a mess of tears, word vomit and utter confusion, ending with her breaking it off and swearing to never interact with another human ever again.

But when you are together, be together. Completely. Let her know she is loved until she begins to understand what that feels like, and then keep doing it. If it’s right, she’ll come around. And because she’s loyal by nature, she’ll stick around, too (so don’t give her any reason to think that you won’t).

Truly, this girl has a lot of love to give, even if she’s a bit awkward in showing it at first. She just needs time—time to figure things out for herself, to better understand how this works.

Let her figure out that deep down, she just wants to love and be loved—just like everyone else.
If she happens to let you close enough to love her, take it seriously. It means she’s trying. It means she wants to love you. And remember that helping her learn how to be loved in return is the surest way to win her heart.

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I started college pretty early at the age of 14, finished at 18 and got my Masters at 19. Just sharing my story and some tips that helped me make it through. Hopefully you will learn a thing or two.

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Find Ebele on twitter @ebyral
Visit her Blog

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Not all friends are good friends. 

Having the ability to befriend lots of people with different personalities is a skill that’s great in countless settings, but another skills that’s crucial to having a healthy social life is knowing which friends to keep close and which to hold at arm’s length.

The very definition of a friend is a person who you like and enjoy being with.

Like and enjoy are the two words that stand out most because there are plenty of people who complain that they don’t really like their friends.

Instead of silently smack talking our friend in your head or playing out imaginary confrontations in your bathroom mirror (because I know you’ve done that), why not try to do something to rectify the situation instead?

When you find one of these “friends” in your social web, consider using constructive tactics to help them realize how awful of a friend they’re being. When all else fails, it’s probably time to cut them free from your web.

THE BAD FRIEND: THE NARCISSIST

Ben is a great friend, or so you think when you’re not around him. When you two do hang out, you realize that all he does is talk about himself, his problems, his dating life, and his work achievements. You’re his friend so you listen, but sometimes you’d like to discuss what’s going on in your life. With his amazing skills to steer conversation back to himself, though, you can never get a word in, much less sound advice from a good friend.

He somehow was even able to make the last conversation about your recent breakup about him.

The Tactic: Have a private conversation

Ask Ben to come over for a beer, then explain to him that you really enjoy giving him advice, but sometimes you’d like for him to hear you out so he can give you sound advice as well. At the very least, as a narcissist, Ben will most likely be flattered that you’d care to know his opinions. In the best-case scenario, Ben was so absorbed in his life that he genuinely didn’t realize he was tuning you out.

THE BAD FRIEND: THE FLAKE

You’re pretty sure that if life weren’t so crazy for Jack, you two would be best buds. The problem with Jack, though, is that every time you make plans, he cancels at the last minute, leaving you without plans for the night or weekend. Once he even flaked on an entire vacation you had planned with friends. The most frustrating part about it all is that he’s never really sorry, and he definitely doesn’t call to break the plans. He just texts some random excuse along with a, “I’ll see you guys next time.”

The Tactic: Make plans within a certain time frame

You and Jack seem to make plans every Monday to go out for Happy Hour drinks on Thursday, but Jack always backs out Thursday afternoon. Maybe Jack has ADD or cold feet or a fear of commitment. Ask Jack what his evening plans are on the morning of Thursday, and then ask if he wants to grab a casual drink after work. Flaky friends are usually more introverted than they care to let on, so catch them a day or two before you want to hang out.

THE BAD FRIEND: THE GIRL FRIEND WITH BAD BENEFITS

Ashley is a good friend you met through mutual friends, but she has a bad habit of expecting you to pay for everything when you hang out together. It’s very clear that the relationship is platonic, and she always brings her dates around, so why does she act like you two are together when it’s convenient? You have other girlfriends and they don’t act like that, so why does Ashley?

The Tactic: Ask her to grab a round every once in a while

Ashley is under the impression that because she’s a girl, she gets free things handed to her. You, however, are just her friend. Casually drop reasons for her to start pulling her own weight and wallet in the friendship. If you walk into a bar, tell her you’ll get the first round if she gets the next. When you go out to dinner, go ahead and say yes to split checks when the waitress asks without waiting to consult Ashley. This doesn’t make you a bad friend or a jerk, it makes you a guy who refuses to be a push over.

THE BAD FRIEND: THE DONNY DOWNER

You’re always kind of bummed after hanging out with Donny because nothing ever seems to go right for him. The worst part is that you can never really help like it’s a little bit of Donny’s fault. He’s always complaining about his job, his weight, his singlehood, and his lack of money, but he never actually does anything to change his outcomes.

The Tactic: Change up your hang out routine

It sounds like Donny needs some serious cardio and endorphins in his life. Instead of fueling his depression with liquor and greasy restaurant foods, invite Donny out to a game of basketball, a concert in the park, or for a day of fishing. A little fresh air and adrenaline might help him get out of his little coma of sadness.

Not every tactic will work, and you’ll have to be the judge and jury if you have a friend who refuses to be good to you.

The good news is, though, if you decide to cut ties with any of these people all you have to do is let the friendship crumble under its own weight. There’s one thing that all of these bad friends have in common: they are a me centered universe. They think the world revolves around them, and they probably won’t seek you out if you just stop reaching out to them. They’ll be too proud, too busy to notice, or too conceited to care.

Remember, the idea that a person is the sum of the 5 people they spend the most time with couldn’t be truer. So choose who you spend your time with wisely because you’ll never have that time back.

Credit: The Social Man Learn more »

The coldest season of the year is here and the big question remains; how ready are you to accomplish all your academic missions with this harsh weather condition? Winter in Northern Cyprus is basically between November to February; followed by spring and autumn which is mostly short. The coldest season in Northern Cyprus around December goes from an average temperature of 12°C (54°F), with the average high temperature of 16°C (61°F). It can also drop as low as 7°C (45°F) on the average during the night. The weather in Famagusta might be confusing sometimes because it could be sunny and then in a blink of an eye; it becomes windy or rainy which might make the temperature drop very low and it becomes colder.

With this background information, students should know what to expect and by now; you should start shopping for heavy clothing materials (Winter gloves, socks, caps, winter jackets, winter sweaters, mufflers, winter boots, blankets etc. ) if you don’t have any or you want more. Adjusting to the change in weather and time is also very important. You can use this weather/time to your advantage since we have shorter day and longer night. While you enjoy a long sound night rest, you can also do some of your school work at night since there are lesser hours of daylight.

For most new students from countries with moderate or less extreme weather conditions, this must be cultural shock to you. But it is nothing to be scared of. Get your clothings right and you will enjoy the season. Also, be sure that all buildings (administrative blocks, classes, library, shops etc.) will be conditioned warm or hot as the case may be. The change in weather can also cause one to fall sick easily but as soon as you notice anything strange, just make you way to the school clinic.

On the flip-side, some new students are excited to be in North Cyprus and they can’t wait to experience their first winter. Winter is beautiful and lovely because it comes with fabulous fashion style and dramatic clouds which you can take good pictures of if you love nature. Undisputedly, some days can be slow during winter and all you just want to do all day is to stay in bed in your warm blankets and sleep. For days like that, a cup of hot coffee can be magical, try some.

Credit: Marycynthia Okitor

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Put a frog into a vessel filled with water and start heating the water. As the temperature of the water
begins to rise, the frog adjusts its body temperature accordingly. The frog keeps adjusting its body
temperature with the increasing temperature of the water. Just when the water is about to reach boiling point, the frog cannot adjust anymore. At this point the frog decides to jump out. The frog tries to jump but it is unable to do so because it has lost all its strength in adjusting with the rising water temperature. Very soon the frog dies.

What killed the frog? Think about it! I know many of us will say the boiling water. But the truth about what killed the frog was its own inability to decide when to jump out. We all need to adjust with people and situations, but we need to be sure when we need to adjust and when we need to move on. There are times when we need to face the situation and take appropriate actions. If we allow people to exploit us physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually or mentally they will continue to do so.

Let us decide when to jump! Let's jump while we still have the strength.

Written by:
Chike Alex Alajemba

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MISS HOPE - "GAMBLING IN TRNC": African Students and Risky Business [OPINION]
In Northern Cyprus, there are many opportunities available for students. First, there is the educational opportunity - to study with scholars from around the world and to meet with students from many different cultures, and countries. .. READ MORE Learn more »

Some people, regardless of what they lack--money, looks, or social connections--always radiate energy and confidence.

Even the most skeptical individuals find themselves enamored with these charming personalities.

These people are the life of every party. They're the ones you turn to for help, advice, and companionship.

You just can't get enough of them, and they leave you asking yourself, "What do they have that I don't? What makes them so irresistible?"

The difference? Their sense of self-worth comes from within.

Irresistible people aren't constantly searching for validation, because they're confident enough to find it in themselves. There are certain habits they pursue every day to maintain this healthy perspective.

Since being irresistible isn't the result of dumb luck, it's time to study the habits of irresistible people so that you can use them to your benefit.

Get ready to say "hello" to a new, more irresistible you.

1. They treat EVERYONE with respect.

Whether interacting with their biggest client or a server taking their drink order, irresistible people are unfailingly polite and respectful. They understand that--no matter how nice they are to the person they're having lunch with--it's all for naught if that person witnesses them behaving badly toward someone else. Irresistible people treat everyone with respect because they believe they're no better than anyone else.

2. They follow the platinum rule.

The golden rule--treat others as you want to be treated--has a fatal flaw: It assumes that all people want to be treated the same way. It ignores that people are motivated by vastly different things. One person loves public recognition, while another loathes being the center of attention.

The platinum rule--treat others as they want to be treated--corrects that flaw. Irresistible people are great at reading other people, and they adjust their behavior and style to make others feel comfortable.

3. They ditch the small talk.

There's no surer way to prevent an emotional connection from forming during a conversation than by sticking to small talk. When you robotically approach people with small talk, this puts their brains on autopilot and prevents them from having any real affinity for you. Irresistible people create connection and find depth even in short, everyday conversations. Their genuine interest in other people makes it easy for them to ask good questions and relate what they're told to other important facets of the speaker's life.

4. They focus on people more than anything else.

Irresistible people possess an authentic interest in those around them. As a result, they don't spend much time thinking about themselves. They don't obsess over how well they're liked, because they're too busy focusing on the people they're with. It's what makes their irresistibility seem so effortless.

To put this habit to work for you, try putting down the smartphone and focusing on the people you're with. Focus on what they're saying, not what your response will be, or how what they're saying will affect you. When people tell you something about themselves, follow up with open-ended questions to draw them out even more.

5. They don't try too hard.

Irresistible people don't dominate the conversation with stories about how smart and successful they are. It's not that they're resisting the urge to brag. The thought doesn't even occur to them because they know how unlikable people are who try too hard to get others to like them.

6. They recognize the difference between fact and opinion.

Irresistible people handle controversial topics and touchy subjects with grace and poise. They don't shrink from sharing their opinions, but they make it clear that they're opinions, not facts. Whether discussing global warming, politics, vaccine schedules, or GMO foods, irresistible people recognize that many people who are just as intelligent as they are see things differently.

7. They are authentic.

Irresistible people are who they are. Nobody has to burn up energy or brainpower trying to guess their agenda or predict what they'll do next. They do this because they know that no one likes a fake.

People gravitate toward authentic individuals because they know they can trust them. It's easy to resist someone when you don't know who they really are and how they really feel.

8. They have integrity.

People with high integrity are irresistible because they walk their talk, plain and simple. Integrity is a simple concept but a difficult thing to practice. To demonstrate integrity every day, irresistible people follow through, they avoid talking bad about other people, and they do the right thing, even when it hurts.

9. They smile.

People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they're talking to. If you want people to find you irresistible, smile at them during conversations and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.

10. They make an effort to look their best (just not too much of an effort).

There's a massive difference between being presentable and being vain. Irresistible people understand that making an effort to look your best is comparable to cleaning your house before company comes--it's a sign of respect for others. But once they've made themselves presentable, they stop thinking about it.

11. They find reasons to love life.

Irresistible people are positive and passionate. They're never bored, because they see life as an amazing adventure and approach it with a joy that other people want to be a part of.

It's not that irresistible people don't have problems--even big ones--but they approach problems as temporary obstacles, not inescapable fate. When things go wrong, they remind themselves that a bad day is just one day, and they keep hoping that tomorrow or next week or next month will be better.

Irresistible people did not get to where they are by sheer luck or magic. They've simply perfected certain appealing qualities and habits that anyone can adopt as his or her own.

They think about other people more than they think about themselves, and they make other people feel liked, respected, understood, and seen. Just remember: The more you focus on others, the more irresistible you'll be.

[Source]

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Let’s talk a bit about Cyprus and all it’s weirdness (…or not). I’ll tell you something about them, nobody ever told them that staring is rude. When I was a kid, it was received wisdom that openly staring at odd balls, weirdoes, crazies, and sick people was a NO NO. It’s a fact of life that has allowed me to get as far as I have in modern society.

Cypriots are completely unaware of this simple rule. In fact, I suspect that young Cypriots are sent to special staring schools where they learn to gawp intently at anything out of the ordinary. If staring were an Olympic sport, the Cypriots would be legendary.

You’re catching on to my general point here. THEY LIKE TO STARE. Apparently shuffling down the road at a snail’s pace is well within the legitimate grounds for Cypriot-style staring. On every normal day, as I wend my way to the shops, you're bound to see people fetching chairs out from their flats and settling down to a protracted staring session.

I've noticed this predilection before, I must admit. When I first came to Cyprus, speaking English in public would cause people to fix their gaze on you as if they expected you to start eating your own leg at any moment. Recently, on the way to an event in a Cypriot village, one woman almost broke her neck in her efforts to stare into the car I was traveling in.

I swear, the other day I saw a blind girl who had been provided with a dog that was specially trained to do her staring for her. The hound fixed me with a beady gaze, its head tilted to one side, as its mistress casually wondered into the path of an oncoming pedestrian. Now, how fcuked up is that???

And if that’s not enough, I've got some real WEIRD neighbors. They moved in some few weeks back. Ok, in my building, there are six flats. I hardly know any of the people living here, I say “hi” when I pass them, but I wouldn't be able to pick them out of a line-up.

But the weirdest thing has just started occurring from my new neighbors. I don’t know who does it, but they ring the door bell before unlocking their own door. That’s right; they come home, ring the bell, with the key in hand, and unlock 10 seconds after ringing. And they seem to get out a lot because it’s almost a constant ringing and unlocking. It’s just weird.

On a another note, winter's upon us. The cold will become unbearable. I wish…I wish I were in some place cozy and warm...if I say that three times, will my wish come true?

-Written by Anonymous for Scanty Gela Blog 'MY STORY' Series...

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Walking through the streets of life, have brought me in contact with many, old and young, fair and dark, tall and not too tall, informally and formally educated.

Being privilege to have met these variants of people one common factor I see acting in the different stages of life of these persons is (guess, you could be right) TIME. With this factor, babies become teenagers, teenagers become youths, youths become elderly, the elderly become old and the old get older.

With this knowledge at the back of my mind came forth the question deep in my innermost being one day while having a self-effacement ,’’ 20 years from now where (who and what) will you be? ‘’I paused and peeped through my window to see if the question was coming from outside but none was there save the rats that where pacing about, having a good time. So returned I to my seat to continue my reflection when the question came again being all alone in the room for certain I knew where it was coming from this time.

I paused and thought for a while about the answer to give to this unfamiliar question as though in front of a viva panel but to my surprise nothing was coming through, I couldn't say a word. This question kept ringing in my subconscious like a phone whose callers wasn't ready to give up calling despite no one picking the calls.

Days came and left, so did weeks but this new companion ‘’the questions’’ defied the law of giving up and didn't depart. Praying to my source, God to help me out of this brought about beautiful revelations but before I go into details of these let me ask you, yes you the same question ‘’

20 years from now where will you be?, Will you be in front or behind?, A success or a failure?, A victor or a victim? I will leave you to answer that but don’t be too quick to answer any of the questions. Take some time before you do.

Indeed 20 years from now, we all will be somewhere certainly, but WHERE? , Will we be stagnant or will we be moving?, Will we be enjoying the best life has to offer or enduring the worse it also has to trade?, Will our dreams still be dreams or will they have become realities?

Just as the old adage goes ‘’you reap whatever you sow’’, We are all presently sowing something. So in the long run, you will get from life what you are willing to put into it. Every one of us is putting something.

Want to get distinctions in academics? Become diligent with your books give it your best (study that boring course) …Want to be a great doctor (or any professional)? Go scale through the hurdles of medical school and don’t take short cuts. Want to be rich? Devote time and energy into learning the rudiments of the art of being rich-start giving. Want to be famous?, hmmm don’t you?, become a person of VALUE.

What and where I, you or anyone else will be in the next 10, 20 or 50 years will be a reflection of the decisions we make each day.

Make each day count. Yes stop counting the days and start making the days count. Time is ticking, a day lost cannot be recovered. Give everyday the best you have got, sowing diligence, patience, love, perseverance and so on to your ground today for the rosy life you will reap in the days ahead.

Remember indecision is a decision. As you embark on these new (or continue, for those who have defined this hitherto) resolutions, be sure to know that you will meet trying times, stumbling blocks, pitfalls from friends and foes alike at some point of the journey as everyone does (certainly), none the less keep your eyes on the goal, the reward and the benefits waiting for you ahead.

Never never give up and within a while you will be glad you didn't. You were created to be the best you can be.

Mediocrity is not an option.

ADAMS D ANTHONY.

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 *To send in Opinion articles, email info@scantygela.com | writers@scantygela.com

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FUNDA GUMUSH - "It wasn’t My Fault Officer, it was My Selfie!" [OPINION]
But to me the most striking part of a survey carried out at a private university, is that 14% of respondents confessed to taking a selfie or a video whilst driving. A selfie? Seriously??...READ MORE Learn more »