Love is not always easy to comprehend, even when it’s your own feelings. So why do clever people find it so hard to get involved with another person?

1. They analyze feelings — both their own and other people’s.
Clever people are brilliant at collecting information and drawing conclusions — and this is both an advantage and disadvantage because they are more prone to running away from a relationship at the first sign of a problem. Misunderstandings? Fights? Sorry, we’re not made for each other. Bye!

2. They need enough time to open up to another person.
The brain never stops working, and it never ceases to uncover a multitude of details and reasons why something can go askew. As a result, intelligent people find it difficult to open up to others: they know and understand that any relationship is a risk. That’s why they often seem too cool and detached, while not necessarily being so.

3. They defer to previous experience.
This is another trap for smart people. Things that ruined their previous relationships are not bound to do so with the next one, but it’s hard for them to realize this. They remember well how painful it was to break up last time, and they unconsciously project their unfortunate experience onto the person they are with now.

4. Being single is a conscious choice of theirs.
That’s a fact. Clever people see clearly that it’s better and more comfortable to be single than together with a person who is ’not theirs.’ This is their conscious and well-thought-out decision. Most of the time these people are alone not because of their circumstances but because they want to be so, and they feel great being one with themselves.

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Whether your glass is half empty or half full, we all focus on the negatives when we’re looking for “the one,” according to a recent study.

When deciding whether to get into a serious relationship with someone else, people often talk in terms of “deal-breakers.” It could be an unwanted personality trait, their social status, their beliefs, etc. It turns out people don't always look for the best in people, at least when it comes to prospective partners. According to psychologists from five universities, people evaluating mate potential tend to focus on relationship deal-breakers – the negative traits of a person – as opposed to the positive.

The study, published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, looked at what over 6,500 people seek in sexual, romantic, and friendship contexts, as well as which values they feel are most important.

Of course, the affairs of the heart are a very subjective thing. For example, one person might deem impulsivity as a positive trait, while others might see it as a negative. According to the researchers, the top deal-breakers were unattractiveness, unhealthy lifestyle, undesirable personality traits, differing religious beliefs, limited social status, and differing relationship goals.

Their findings showed that people evaluating potential relationships tend to focus more on a person's negative characteristics than their positive ones. So much so, that a few negative traits could override many positive traits. They additionally found that women place greater emphasis on these deal-breakers in general.

In a statement, Gregory Webster, one of the study’s authors from the University of Florida, said: “We have a general tendency to attend more closely to negative information than we do to positive information.”

“Things that can harm are generally more important [to pay attention to] than things that can help you,” he added.

So in effect, most relationships fail because we stay more focused on the negative traits of a partner instead of on the good in them.

Credit: www.iflscience.com Learn more »

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Coming to Cyprus to study about 2 years ago was one the most bitter-sweet decisions i have made in life...yet. I would say that naivety and innocence played a huge negative role in my relationship. I felt entitled to everything, even the love and care that was given by my then boyfriend. The thing is to have a really terrific relationship you don’t have to do everything right. Human nature pretty much says that you won’t always get it right. However, you DO have to stay focused on doing whatever it takes, all of the time. Do what your conscience tells you is right. I have a few guidance below.

Shower each other with Love. If that sounds like a full-time job… it is!

While I realize that this is an awesome “take responsibility for your relationship” assignment, if you really love each other this mission is possible and you must both do the work that is required – together! Your mission… if you choose to accept it, will cause your relationship to sparkle like the bling of a 20 carat diamond. Routine does not belong in a healthy relationship. It’s up to both of you to weave a little “magic” into your relationship. Adding more intimacy, love, understanding and compassion in any relationship is always welcome.

Romance is part of the “magic” and it’s about making your partner feel special. You can do that only by paying close attention to the relationship. In the beginning romance was in the air, however, as a relationship matures, you have to go out of your way to make sure that the romance you remember continues.

“Call on me when ever you need me … and I will be there in a hurry.”

Romance is a very small part of what makes a long-term relationship successful, it’s getting the other 98 percent right that makes a couple have longevity. Part of getting it right takes moments of reflection, self-control, compromise, and forgiveness.

It IS possible. How? You have to decide. Decide what? Decide to have a state of the art relationship – one you can have bragging rights about – and in order to do that you must consistently be doing more things right than wrong.

You are in a relationship. So, relate! Relating between partners means communicating.

Communicate openly and honestly to establish a common ground and to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan.

You cannot expect your partner to agree with you on every issue, however once you reach an agreement keep your word.

“Keep your promises and tell the truth. If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT! If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE! If you say you feel something, MEAN IT! If you can’t, won’t, and don’t, then DON’T LIE. It’s always better to tell people the truth up front. Don’t play games with people’s heads and hearts. Don’t tell half-truths and expect people to trust you when the full truth comes out; half-truths are no better than lies. Say what you mean and mean what you say.” ~ Concerned friend

When was the last time you did something to make your partner smile? Having fun together is the best aphrodisiac. It improves and strengthens your bond. Write up a list of what makes you feel loved and special and exchange it with your partner.

Relationships are always complicated and they should be ever evolving. Disagreements are bound to occur. Your job is to never let things get out of hand. Don’t allow fear to keep you from talking things over as calmly as possible and agree or learn to compromise on a solution to the problem, then kiss, make-up and continue moving forward. The challenge is to learn new skills that make communication safe and effective for both of you.

The single greatest thing you can do to increase the value of your relationship is to start being grateful for what you have right now. Next, be sure to allow your partner to experience the gratefulness you have for them and the relationship.

Commitment means to have consideration for your partner in all matters.

Consider how any action you might take affects your partner and the relationship. You must consider the impact of your choices and treat your relationship and your partner with kindness, fairness, respect, and loads of Love.

Finally, never offer solutions to your partner when they are really looking for someone to just be a committed listener. (This one is for the guys!). When conversing with your partner, learn to not only listen, but listen actively.

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SHANTELLE writes:

Any successful relationship takes and deserves work. The tricky part is determining the difference between working towards building a strong solid relationship and running into endless issues where everything is a struggle. In my experience, I was doing the latter. You shouldn’t have to convince someone to spend quality time with you, call you regularly or to perform any other basic duties in a relationship. Especially if they’ve been dating you for years and claim to be serious about you. It just doesn’t make logical sense.

The fact that many people feel like you shouldn’t have to work on a relationship bothers me. To me, it seems like people want instant gratification and expect to have the perfect relationship with the perfect being which just isn’t reality. Nothing in this world comes easy and while chemistry, compatibility, stability, honesty and love are key components of a good relationship, they are nothing without commitment.

So while one shouldn’t be a fool and stay with someone who runs them through obstacle courses, a bit of good honest work towards something great never hurt anyone. Especially if you’re in it together.


**Written by ANONYMOUS Learn more »